“And you know what
they call a… a… a Quarter Pounder with cheese in Paris?”
“They don’t call it a
Quarter Pounder with cheese?”
“No, man, they got the
metric system. They wouldn’t know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is.”
“Then what do they
call it?”
“They call it a Royale
with cheese.”
“A Royale with cheese.
What do they call a Big Mac?”
“Well, a Big Mac’s a
Big Mac, but they call it le Big
Mac.”
“Le Big Mac. Ha ha ha
ha. What do they call a Whopper?”
“I dunno, I didn’t go
into Burger King.”
-Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield, Pulp Fiction
It’s no secret that the United States as a country has a bit
of what you might call a “weight problem.” On various lists of fattest
countries made over the last five years or so, the U.S. tends to fall in the
7-10 range, while the U.K. is somewhere in the 26-30 area. So, with that
stereotype in mind, imagine my surprise when I passed a Burger King here in the
United Kingdom to see this advertisement:
 |
| I feel like I'm gaining weight just looking at it. |
In case you can’t make it out (my camera doesn’t do well
with glass), that is a poster for Burger King’s Rodeo BBQ line of products,
available for a limited time only and, as far as I can make out, only in the United
Kingdom. And, while one of the sandwiches looks like a standard Burger King
Chicken Sandwich that someone plopped some onion rings and barbecue sauce on,
the other looks like something out of a fast food exec’s fever dreams. It’s the
same bun as a chicken sandwich, but with three burger patties, cheese, barbecue
sauce, and onion rings on it. To top it all off, thanks to stricter laws in
this country concerning the display of nutritional information, the poster
proudly proclaims that the whole affair contains a modest 734 calories. As soon
as I saw that sign, my first thought was “I must try that.” And today, deciding
to take a day off from my diet, I finally did.
Why Don’t You Put
Bacon On It?
So, I ordered the Rodeo BBQ Extra Long Beef as well as four
chili cheese bites which make up the side dish aspect of this product line (I
could have gotten six for a half quid more, but that would’ve just been unhealthy) and deeply hoped that the
order combined with my accent would not be taken by the man behind the counter
as a confirmation of all of Europe’s stereotypes about Americans. Upon arriving
back at the flat with this bounty, I immediately laid it out to compare it to
the promotional image.
 |
| Fast food is like nightclubs: exciting and fun in theory, but lonely and depressing in practice. |
As always, the poster had greatly exaggerated the size of
the sandwich, which for once was probably a good thing. The sandwich on the
poster looked absolutely terrifying. It was certainly comforting to note that
the patties were not, in fact, the size used on the ordinary burgers but
instead the ones used for sliders. So, picture taken, I took a deep breath and
took a bite.
It wasn’t that bad. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the numbers
don’t lie and this is certainly not something I would recommend anyone make a
staple of their diet, but at over 700 calories I was anticipating it to be
absolutely dripping with grease. It was incredibly salty, but the meat was
definitely of a higher quality than at a Burger King back in the states.
However, something was definitely off, and I didn’t realize quite what it was until
I had finished eating it.
The sandwich is intended as a longer version of the barbeque
burger, which is my regular if I have the calories to spare when I go to a
burger joint. It generally consists of all of the ingredients in the Extra
Long, except for one thing. It usually includes bacon.
I’m still not sure why they didn’t put bacon on this
sandwich. Many of the other burgers available in UK Burger Kings include bacon,
so it’s not an issue of availability. I highly doubt that a person who is okay with
eating a 734 calorie sandwich is going to not eat a 900 calorie sandwich with
bacon on it, so it’s not an issue of health. The standard barbecue burger
formula of bun, patty, bacon, fried onions, and barbecue sauce is time honored
and delicious, so it’s not an issue of taste. A few weeks ago I had a meal at a
Gourmet Burger Kitchen, a chain of sit-down burger joints here in London that,
incidentally, make one of the best barbecue burgers I’ve ever tasted, use
bacon, so it’s not an issue of regional preference. The only conclusion I can
reach is that someone at BK’s headquarters royally dropped the ball.
Come on, guys. If you’re going to make unhealthy food, at
least do it right.
Why Bother?
That’s all I have to say about the chili-cheese bites. First
off, are “jalapeño poppers” not a thing in the UK? Because that’s what they
are.
And not only that, they aren’t particularly good ones. While
taking a bite out of one for the purposes of taking a picture of the inside
(which ended up not turning out for various reasons related to my inability to
work a camera effectively), half of the filling went spurting out the other
end, usually the mark of an inferior fried food. Not only that but they taste
incredibly bland. There is neither a strong flavor of cheese, nor of pepper.
After my first one, I had resorted to dunking them in ketchup just so there
would be a flavor.
Conclusion
I’m still at a loss as to why they didn’t release this
product in America. It seems like something we’d be all about as a culture. The
only thing I can think of is the consumer watchdog backlash concerning health,
but that’s the name of the game in the fast food industry.
Based on this and a few other experiences, I’ve come to the
conclusion that while fewer preservatives and higher food quality standards may
play a part in the UK’s lower obesity rating, the difference is the attitude
the British have towards unhealthy food. A sandwich with two meals worth of
calories can be released in the UK because the British consumer is less likely
to eat at Burger King on a regular basis. The street that I live on has both a
Burger King and a McDonald’s, but there’s hardly ever anyone in there except
for after midnight, which makes sense because if your late-night drunk food is
a salad, I’m sorry, but you are a strange individual. In contrast, I was at
this place right at dinnertime and there were maybe three people eating and no
one but me in line for food. This is why a British person can be trusted with
the option of ordering the Rodeo BBQ Extra Long Beef: he’s not going to do it
as often.
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